asher yatzer
There are hundreds of Jewish prayers and blessings.
Almost one for each daily action.
Asher yatzar is the blessing said after a person urinates or defecates. There are, however, a number of exemptions.
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“blessed are you,
king of the universe
who formed man
with many openings
and many hollows too
if one ruptures
or becomes blocked
it is tough
to stand before you
even a short time”
incontinence?
must recite blessing
post urination
even involuntary
and all day long too
no control of
bowel or bladder?
no need to
recite the blessing
at any time of day
meds make you pee?
you in luck, schmuck
sing blessing
only once after emptying
your full bladder out
use catheter?
well you are engaged
in one piss
lasting all day long
then pray in morning
you got diarrhea?
squeeze your tukhus
oy vey iz!
but recite each time
you open the bowels
taking laxatives?
don’t say blessing
until success
or your day will go
in a whirl of dreck
unsettled mind?
all the rules rattle?
no big deal
big smile now bubbie!
you got exemption
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